rolling up the welcome mat

TikTok feeds are flooded with videos of women dancing on their kitchen counters, belting the songs of“Rolling up the Welcome Mat.” These are accompanied by captions of “POV: when you’re happily married but feeling the feels of a divorce.” 

Why is this beautiful EP resonating with all our hearts, despite our relationship status?

This album tells a story filled with anxiety, grief, sorrow, anger, resentment, acceptance, and every other emotion that splinters during hardship. Relationships cause a kaleidoscope of feelings, especially for empaths and feelers of all kinds. Instagram realities of perfect couples are propaganda. There are highs, and there are lows in every partnership. 

I think this is when it’s over for me

Anyone who has loved, and loved deeply, has felt anxiety around their SO. Doubt and loneliness are no strangers to many. That feeling of uncertainty is something that can fester in any heart. Whether you sense your partner drifting or there are signs that you’ve outgrown each other, this nervousness is common. Sometimes it even turns into playing make-believe. You’re playing the part and talking the talk, but realizing things are dissolving is a slow burn. 

This place is a limbo, where you must evaluate the situation and possibly make tough decisions. Is this worth pushing through, rekindling the flame? Or is it finally time to say the goodbyes? This can cause true loneliness because, really, the only one who can understand is the person you are farthest away from. 

It was love, then it was just married

I always hated the term ‘honeymoon phase’ because I wanted to believe that kind of love never dulled. That the infatuation and bliss were lifelong if you found the right partner. But, even those in the happiest of relationships have probably felt the heartache of a split or the sadness of drifting apart. Even just a few years can wear away at the strongest of foundations. It doesn’t take centuries to erode something originally built to last. As humans, we’re not made of that immortal cement that the Romans used. A few disagreements can turn into more extensive arguments. They snowball, one after another until someone builds resentment. It’s the saddest when you realize that some of these cracks are too big for repair. The film reel in your mind turns over the last chapter of your life, the smiles, and laughter. But your present has a rude awakening with reminders of what went wrong. The broken pieces are strewn out in front of you. This is the kind of grief no one ever warns you about. Losing what you knew, leaving what you once loved and cherished behind, and coping with that loss. 

I thought maybe that would make it all better

Any tension in a relationship can take a toll. We are trained to fight for those we love and that which is important to us. If any doubt sneaks in, an immediate response is to deny and push past it. Things will work themselves out, right? That is only sometimes the case, unfortunately. Sometimes, there are not enough self-help books on the shelves to fix something broken. 

Breakups are a shared trauma for most. One of the most complex parts is the shame, the feelings of failure. You gave it your all to try and find peace in your relationship. It’s normal to live in the realm of denial for some time before the bandaid is ripped off. You play house for a while to avoid the sting of what lingers. Dinner at 6, family outings, fake laughter, Post-It notes on the fridge, “Out with the girls. Be home late.” But that’s only one still frame of your life. The rest plays out in either passive-aggression, yelling, or, worse yet, silence. The pretending is the hardest part. Then when all is said and done, you barely recognize the two people left standing. 

There’s a thin line between love and hate

There is no single relationship where both parties have yet to see red. Tensions flare, patience levels plummet, and passionate words are thrown like darts. All of these feelings truly come in waves. After that first sting of loneliness hits, the anger starts to creep in. In any partnership where there is love, there is also fury. We are hardwired to protect ourselves and fend off danger. Sometimes this looks like the slamming of doors and or passive-aggressive stares. But no one is immune to a heated argument over both trivial and foundational reasons. 

Then, if needed, we make choices that are in our best interest, and that news is not always received well. People change in the face of adversity. We say things we don’t mean, as it is easy to let feelings take over. There are always two sides to every situation; perspective is hard to see when you are simply in survival mode. Communication skills are foreign, so we cling to hate and resentment. Even though these emotions are not always reflective of our “best selves,” they are valid and, in small doses, can be cathartic. This process is yours to live and experience in your own way. 

I hope I never leave me again 

It is a long, winding road, but somewhere along the way, there is a place of contentment. Whether that is after working hard to reignite the flame or finding peace after a messy ending, eventually, we see a route to healing. There is a lot of room for growth after any transformation. This journey involves self-discovery, reconciliation, and plans for a hopeful future. If we stay or move on, there are always opportunities to learn and grow. The anger will eventually fade, and retrospect can take over. Every mistake made, every tear shed into a glass of wine, and every argument had are lessons learned along the way. Holding hate in your heart will corrode all that is good within you. There are still many pieces left in your puzzle. Some bits you lost along the way, but others are parts you found hidden under the box. This is your time to start rebuilding, piece by piece, to create something even more beautiful than the cover. 

At the end of the day, it was comforting to know we had the opportunity to love and be loved.